Unsure of whether a Juice Cleanse is for you? Here’s everything you need to know, along with the benefits you’ll be enjoying.

Why A Juice Cleanse?

Ok, so obviously there’s a reason why people never seem to stop talking about their current Juice Cleanse, and obviously there’s a reason why the few who people who have successfully completed one will swear to it having healed their chronic illness, rid them of acne, opened their third eye and turned their son into Jesus.

The word “detox” has become extremely controversial considering the fact that our bodies are continuously removing toxins out of our systems, but whether you “believe in detox efforts” or not, a juice cleanse definitely has benefits.

First of all you’ll be consuming a higher amount of phytonutrients during the short time of your cleanse. Phytonutrients are basically the nutrients that can’t be replicated in vitamins and other pills. The nutrients you can’t buy in pill containers.

Remember when Sheldon’s mom called vitamins expensive urine?

Well, she wasn’t lying.

The reasons your average instagram vegan is glowing like a goddess is because she’s eating fresh fruits and raw vegetables (packed with phytonutrients), while you’re spending $200 a month on vitamins and still looking like you’ve just gotten over a flu.

You’re peeing out your hard earned coin.

Phytonutrients, are pretty crucial, as they’re responsible for pretty much everything the pill bottles are falsely marketing. They build your immune system, keeping you safe from a number of serious illnesses, maintain your digestive system that allows you to actually continue getting rid of toxins, make your skin glow, etc.

Basically no matter what symptom you have, there’s a nutrient deficiency you can blame.

More than that, juice cleanses also have a great effect on your mental state. If you follow through in a positive manner, then you’ll notice a significant change in your ability to focus, your emotional stability (after completion, not during…), and both mental and physical energy levels.

Your mental capacity for other people’s bullshit will be greatly improved.

Also, when you finish you’ll feel really fucking accomplished and most people end up spreading this confidence and joy over on other parts of their lives.

A friend of mine did a week long cleanse and used that confidence to blacklist her model agency until they paid her what they owed.

Just saying.


Obviously it’s not all rainbows and unicorns, because as you may have noticed, nothing ever is. Yes, there’s a lot of benefits to a juice cleanse – mentally, emotionally, spiritually – but it also kind of sucks. Mentally, emotionally and spiritually.


The negative effects will unfortunately depend on how much you’ve sucked at life up until this point. Just kidding (not really).

No, but seriously.  

If you’ve been eating extremely clean for years, doing your whole green-morning-smoothie routine, running every day, haven’t-touched-meat-even-if-my-tinder-date-is-a-meat-eater-thing, then chances are you won’t experience much negative symptoms except for hunger which is normal.

Now if you’ve been chugging bottles of wine every few days and only eat during your hangovers only for that to be your roomies unfinished pizza from the night before, then you’re in for a wild fucking ride.

Hate to say it but your cleanse is going to suck ass.

But it’s still worth it.

I guess the key takeout is: the more it sucks, the more reason you have for seeing it through.

However, I do feel the need to point out that the “negative symptoms” I’m talking about include nausea, dehydration, extreme mood swings, and dizziness. Just to mention a few.

Also, please don’t analyze your intake and worry that you’re not going to get everything you need to survive the next ten years. No, you’re not going to get a sufficient amount of protein, fiber, this and that, which is why no one does this permanently.

It’s temporary, so please calm the hell down.

When it comes to ingredients, just stick to raw fruits and vegetables and you’ll be fine. There really isn’t any limit to how much you should drink, just have as much as feels right.

My advice is that if you’re hungry go for vegetables, if you’re low in energy go for fruits.

You know, carbs and sugar.

I remember back when I passed out during Fashion Week less than two minutes before going onto the runway, they just gave me a shot of orange juice and the show went on.

Trust me, it works.

(Oh, and I should probably tell you that you should always consult your doctor before embarking on any dietary changes, whether it’s short og long term, even though I know none of you are going to do that.

At least I’ve said it.

Moving on.)

Healthy Juice Cleanse

Now that you’ve “consulted your doctor” and filled the kitchen with raw food, it’s time to start a precleanse program.

Most people don’t, but ideally you should.

If you’re one of the emotionally stable people who plan a diet weeks ahead and do it for long term health reasons only, then yes, go for the precleanse phase.

The general rule is that the precleanse phase should last as long as your actual detox/fast/whatever.

So if you’re aiming for a three day juice cleanse, then do three days of precleanse leading up to it. Ten day cleanse = ten day precleanse.

You get my point.

This means eating only fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, drinking enough water, and avoiding alcohol, coffee, refined sugar and processed foods.

Read: 3 Reasons To Stay The Hell Away From Sugar

The more clean you eat during this phase, the easier your cleanse will be as it’ll be less of a shock to your system, which means the higher chance of you actually following it through.

Now, if you’re more like me, then chances are you woke up one day and felt so puffy and tired that you spontaneously decided “fuck it, I’m doing a juice cleanse until I feel human again”, in which case you can just skip the precleanse.

It’s going to feel way worse, but sometimes that initial determination is all you need to see it through. I’m not one to judge here.

Exercise Considerations

Obviously if you’re doing this for the superficial reasons there’s no point in me telling you not to work out. Go ahead, do what you want, but trust me if this is your first time, then you have a higher chance of success if you just get your shit together and don’t.

What does help however, is having an active lifestyle.


Whether you have a job where you’re running around all day or faking an active lifestyle by getting up early and going shopping – it really doesn’t matter. Just make plans to go different places, to do something “important”, and you’ll forget about food altogether.

Also, there’s the bonus of being exhausted when you get home so you don’t have to be awake when the hunger pangs kick in. If you’ve been busy enough, you’ll be asleep by then.

Oh, and yoga is always great. So if you’re one of those people, go for it.

Haven’t tried it yet, but I hear it’s life changing.

Post Detox

If you make it to the point where you’ve actually completed your cleanse (most people don’t so I applaud you), you should ideally spend a few days before you go back to your normal diet.

Basically what you want to avoid at all costs, no matter how long it’s been since your cleanse completion, is going back to the diet that brought you to the cleanse in the first place.

By the time you finish your cravings should be pretty much non-existent, so my advice is to enjoy it as long as it lasts. If you’re thinking “I’m gonna fail again one day, so why wait with the pizza,” then trust me, enjoy the freedom of not having cravings while you fucking can.

That post cleanse feeling is the bomb.

Savor it.

What most people recommend is to spend three or so days slowly integrating solids back into your diet, while still maintaining the whole clean-food-stuff. So fruits, vegetables, soups, smoothies – you get the idea.

Just please don’t down a whole pizza.

This is also the ideal time to make any dietary changes, so if you’re doing this as a kickstart into vegetarianism, veganism, whatever, then fucking go for it.

You’re officially cleansed, it’s a fresh start, you’ve emptied yourself of the dying souls and stress of murdered animals, so the timing is perfect.

Also, don’t be discouraged if your workouts slightly suck during the first few days. Just do whatever you can, eat whatever makes sense, and soon enough you’ll be back to where you where.

I believe in you.

Categories: Health